Book Review: Getting More by Stuart Diamond

Getting More
By Stuart Diamond



Getting more is a book on the art of negotiation. The book begins by giving a framework behind a successful negotiation.  What are the ingredients that go into a negotiation.  What are the factors that should be kept in mind while negotiating.   How to overcome tough situations. 

The book is riddled with examples that go alongside with the framework. The latter part of the book are case studies in different areas - relationships, job, travel, markets, parenting etc.  Each category covers various stories on how people used principles from the framework to get what they wanted. In some cases, it is all good and decent. In others, it does come across little bit manipulative. 

The book is self-aware and self-congratulating.  It refers to itself "Getting More" multiple times highlighting how effective this is. This can be off-putting for readers who would like to read without a deluge of adjectives of effusive praise.  

In this post, I have summarised the framework. For detailed analysis and applications, one should definitely read the book. 

------

Different Ways of Negotiating - 

1. Forcing people to do what you will them to do (physical violence)
2. Getting people to think what you want them to think (rationalizations)
3. Getting people to perceive what you want them to perceive (towards a common goal)
4. Getting people to feel what you want them to feel. (includes irrationality as well)

When the other party realizes that you care about their feelings, they will listen more making them easy to persuade.  We typically operate in 2 or 3 above. The ideal state is to be in 4.  


Steps of a Negotiation -
- What are my Goals?
- Who are "they" ?
- What will it take to persuade them?

The above is like the first principle approach of a negotiation. Whenever stuck, one should ask these questions and work on the responses.

Goal setting is very important. Goals should not be too vague or too specific. The book describes Goal to be the end state. Everything that is done, is done in the service of the goal. Hence, goal setting should be very precise; should capture what is truly desired. Not any intermediate state but the final state.

An interesting corollary is how Stuart defines competitiveness. 

Competitiveness is one's ability to meet the goals. 

-----

People

Once goals are defined, the next question relates to people. People are almost everything in this. What is the other person feeling? What is the picture in their heads? How are they perceiving the situation?

Stuart claims following to be ingredients of a negotiation -

• People - 55%
• Process - 37%
• Substance - 8%

They key to getting other people to give you what you want is to value the other party.
By valuing, you are acknowledging their power. In this particular context, they have an upper hand as they have the decision making ability. This has to be duly recognized and acknowledged.

A big component of any people related discussion is  Trust

Stuart writes  that one should "Do what it takes to establish trust". May be it could be give them more than they expect. You have to convince them that you are willing to work with them. Trust should not be part of just straight talk, but should be encoded in the deal itself. As part of the negotiation, you should articulate on where you are placing your trust on them. They should be made aware of the criticality of this. Also, articulate what you are agreeing to as part of earning their trust.

In certain cases, the trust can not be encoded in the negotiation itself. In those scenarios, an alternative has to be created. For example, how banks take collateral or how apartment owners take security deposit. Those are mechanical structures created outside of the direct deal structure to bring in trust between the two parties.

----

Communication

The mechanism of delivery is extremely critical in a negotiation.  Stuart claims that - 

Biggest cause of negotiation failure -> Miscommunication
Biggest cause of Communication failure -> Misperception

Perception is everything. It is the core of #4 way above- feeling based negotiation. Perception encompasses all the irrationalities and emotions  into it. 

To convince people of different perceptions, you should start with perceptions, not facts. When you read it, it sounds intuitive but in practice we do the exact opposite of it. We always start with facts. Facts can be interpreted in more than one ways. It is their interpretation matters.

In such scenarios, Stuart gives the following framework 

1. What am I perceiving?
2. What are they perceiving?
3. Is there a mismatch?
4. If so, why?

A tool to understand perception gap is to ask a lot of questions. Stuart has a nice anecdote  here - If son's room is not clean, instead of saying it is not fair, try asking - Could you tell me why is your room not clean?

Asking and listening go a long way in understanding the other side. Stuart further breaks it down in finer details -

Here are the basic components of effective communication: (1) always communicate, (2) listen and ask questions, (3) value, don’t blame them, (4) summarize often, (5) do role reversal, (6) be dispassionate, (7) articulate goals, (8) be firm without damaging the relationship, (9) look for small signals, (10) discuss perceptual differences, (11) find out how they make commitments, (12) consult before deciding, (13) focus on what you can control, and (14) avoid debating who is right.

------

Using Standards 

Where are negotiations needed? 
When there are certain expectations and those expectations are not met.  

What leads us to have those expectations?
Standards.

You go to a hotel, check in and find that the Air conditioner is not working. Or the restaurant has served you a dish that is cold or unpalatable. You have a certain expectation on how your work will be rewarded. Organizations create those career ladders to set standards. There are standards everywhere around us. Our constitution is a document on standards on how we would like to live with each other.  

Stuart has a very interesting insight that is biggest leverage in a negotiation - People hate to contradict themselves . It is a psychological trait of humanity.

When we define a standard, we like to stick to it. When we write that breakfast will be complimentary or wifi will be provided, we want to honor it.

Using Standards is the basics of negotiation. The expectation gap is best served by negotiating on the standards.

The other corollary to Using Standards is Being Incremental. First, align "them" on the standards. Ask questions in order to establish the standard. Each question should be crafted that it covers all aspects of Standard that is in question. Once, the standard is established, it is now time to ask about the instance when it is being violated. Since, people do not like to normally violate the standard that they have agreed to, it becomes easier for them to agree on.

Sometimes, the standards are not very clear. In such cases, ask.   Be precise in your questions.

Two things needs to be kept in mind during this exercise - 

1. It is not about winning or loosing. You may not get what you wanted. Your line of being incremental may go on a different tangent.  Or standards may not be what you expect. In such cases, focus on the goals. Go back to basics. Start again. There could be other standards as well, other approaches. Let not the past dictate the future. It is ok to admit the failure but it is not ok to give up.
2. What also matters is your competitive attitude. Remember, the definition of competitiveness previously - ability to meet your goals. Attitude matters a lot in a negotiation.

------

Emotions

When dealing with people, one has to deal with emotions.  Stuart has two comments in his book that I  would like to share - 

Emotion is the enemy of effective negotiations and of effective negotiators.

Emotion destroys negotiations and limits creativity. Focus is lost. Decision-making is poor. Retaliation often occurs.

To work with emotions, the following things should be kept in mind -

- Find the cause of emotions, perceptions and what are their goals.
- Be ready to apologize, empathize, or acknowledge.
- Trust. Establishing trust is very important.
- Apply Standards. But not before the above three are addressed.
- Correct facts if mistaken or misunderstood.


-------

Miscellaneous but important 

- Identify the decision maker - If you are applying all the above to a person who is not in a position to take the decision call, it will not work.

- Small talk is important - Small talk in the beginning of a conversation helps in knowing the other person. It establishes a connection that can be used later on. Identifying common enemies are great topics of small talk, example - weather, traffic, bad performance from a common sports team etc.

- Worst case scenario - Sometimes, it helps to share the fallout of this negotiation. If it fails, then this could be the worst case scenario. No wants if this happens. It propels people to make concessions.

- Naming Bad behavior - If there is a bad behavior, it has to be called out. Example - visible display of gender bias or verbal abuses.

Kafka on the Shore, 1Q84 - Books review

Book - Kafka on the Shore, 1Q84 (Book 1-2 & 3)
By Haruki Murakami


I am observing a trend here. Last to last year, I finished the Foundation series by Isaac Asimov, three books in total. Last year, it was Ursula K. LeGuin's Earthsea - 5 books in total. And this year, it has been Haruki Murakami's Kafka on the Shore and now 1Q84. While the first two can be seen as a series, Murakami's works are different. Yet, my pattern is this - if I am liking an author, I would like to read more.

Kafka On the Shore - 4/5
I loved it. Kafka On the Shore is a part journey story mixed with magical realism and a great protagonist written in a way that you have to like him - Nakata. The other story, Kafka, on the other hand, is a sleek, stylish, sexually charged story which is a treat to visualize. Murakami's easy flowing language creates a world that is at one end believable, even though some very strange things keep on happening but also at the other end extremely magical which makes it very strange from reality

It is a world where cats can talk, creatures fall from the sky and there is a stone that opens the door to another world.  The signature style of Murakami is to go in depth of music symphonies, artist histories, cooking recipes are all there. But it is baked in a world where time does not move as fast as in the world that we live in. Is it because the setting is in Japan? By moving a significant portion of story inside a library, which gets very few visitors, the novel itself feels like a calming experience to read.

This book must be read while sitting at the window seat of a train and watching the world go by. Things happen but they do not at the same time. Friendships are formed, meaning of life is figured out, people find purpose, love is gained and lost, again. All while a teenager is also finding his foot in this world.

1Q84(1&2) - 3.5/5, book 3 - 2.5/5
Why did I pick this one by Murakami next? Its description mentioned "dystopian". It said his magnum opus. This seemed like a logical choice. 

Truth be told, I liked book 1&2. It had the same language flow, characters which are detached from the treadmill life, magical realism, detailed background on musical pieces and very likeable characters who are very self aware.
But, the dystopia was very limited. The leap from 1984 to 1Q84 seems very absurd here. It does not fit. Lets say, if I find that something exists in world that I was not aware of, or that I had expected otherwise, I am not going to assume that I am living in a parallel timeline world and rename it. Bizarre. When I read it, it felt that it is fitting a circle in a square.  While, there were real things that he could have chosen to create this parallel timeline - say two moons for example. Yep, there are two moons in this parallel timeline world.
It becomes visible only to the active participants of this world.  There are lots of pulp fiction elements here - cult organizations, one religious, one organic, another one which is militia-organic, there is mafia. Normal people doing fraud but with right intentions and an absurdist magical creatures called Little people in the middle.

Murakami does well by not dwelling into Little Creatures. They continue to maintain a mystic nature about their existence. In the middle of all of it, there is a love story going on in which protagonists only know about that it is a love story in last 50 pages of this book. Love story where the couple does not even meet.  Book 2 ends at a cliffhanger.

Book 3 is just a drag. The third story line of Ushikawa in book 3 does not add much value. You could remove that and may be add 100+ pages to book 1&2 and be done with it.  It closes few ends but does a very long winded way to go about it.

Cooking in 2020

We are in the third week of lockdown. Today, even our locality was sealed. Information is always sparse. But, one good thing of this lockdown has been that we have been forced to do our household chores, especially daily cooking. My cooking has always been an experimental one. Some of the experiments were tried earlier this year. So, I thought I would share some of these.


Pani Puri and Papdi chat

Toh hua yun, I signed up for a stall for Choti Holi celebration in the apartment. My stall was to be for Pani Puri and Papdi chaat. But, that did not materialize. Still, the plan went in full swing to make it at home. I made so much that I even carried some to Divya's wedding to Chennai.

Cleaning mint and corianter

Pani in preparation with Tamarind pulp

Me making Papdi Chaat

And if you have the raw materials, you get to make it multiple times.

The Pani puri pani was made in two flavors - one with raw mango pulp and another one using tamarind. Both were good. The shells were of market made atta shells. We also fried some at home from the shell chips that now come. I also wanted to make the Suji shells but that did not materialize.

Murugan style podi Uttapam

Kanishka has become our resident expert of dosas and Utthapam. In this one pic below, she made Podi Uttapam where we bought Podi from the Murugan Idli shop while coming back from Chennai. This was super delicious. 

French Toast with Fruits

I have always been a fan of a well made french toast. In BLR, Smoke House Deli ones are very well done. So, I thought to give it a try. Mine was ok, the trick is to get the right bread for it. The regular daily use bread do not is ok during lockdown times

 Wine sautéed veggies
I think usage of wine in Indian cooking is non-existent. It opens up a whole different range of flavors plus such a veggie is very easy to cook. I used Zucchini, Red bell peppers, Paneer for this.

Pav Bhaji

While going for bread shopping, Kanishka also got Pav and that triggered this. The Bhaji in Pav Bhaji is the main one to get right. Mine was ok. I did not have Pav Bhaji masala at home, so had to improvise. Plus, I am a big fan of street Pav Bhaji masala because they get the butter right. We do not have the heart to put that much butter in our cooking. 

Pasta with Orange Squash

Pasta was made by Kanishka. I hooked up the orange sauce. 

Banana Loaf bread

I heard that homemade recipes of Banana loaf bread is trending a lot since lockdown. Kanishka also put this in practice. I think bread is a misnomer here, it is actually a cake. THe whole thing was finished in less than 36 hrs.  Delightfully yummy!

Bajre ki roti with Rajma and cucumber lettuce salad

It is very difficult to get Rajma right. It has to have the right texture, right tanginess and right garam masala. Whenever I have made, it I would not rate my self beyond 3 out of 5. But with Bajre ki roti, this is a great one to have. 

 Maggi
No cooking at home list should be complete without a maggi photo

Chole Tikki Chaat

When you have made chole, do make chole tikki chat. Making Alu tikki is little bit extra effort but it is worth. Plus, there should be more than one ways to do carb loading in these times. 

This green chutney was done right, it had that khurdura texture and had raw mango. 

The chole were borderline disaster because of my usage of lemon salt. Lemon salt is not salt with slight tinge of lemon. Instead it is cryastallized lemon with slight salt. My usage of lemon salt as a substittute of salt back-fired immensely. But with curd, it was ok.

Also, as you can see the Kanishka's plate, it has no chole just so that tikki taste is not compromised. 

A normal lunch

Baigan ki sabji

Methi ka paratha

Dal palak 

All made at home both by Kanishka and myself.  I like my preparation of Dal Palak very much. 

Some experiments without photos - 

- Mint Hummus - Hummus with lots of mint, gets a nice green color to hummus. Ok taste. Also, I used less oil 

- Beans Thoran - This is a very normal dish in Kerala. For me, it was a first time to grate coconut at home. Freshly grated coconut makes all the difference. Some effort to make but very good ROI.

- Parippu Kaya Curry - Recipe from http://cookingwithlena.blogspot.com/2011/08/parippu-kaya-curry-raw-banana-dal-curry.html 

Mine did not look like this. Also, with lack of chillies, it was tasting little bland so I added slight mango and it made it very good. 

- Home made bloody mary drink - Bloody mary sachets are available now to be mixed with Vodka. It was a good attempt, especially when you are at home. 

- Dal fry - Made dhaba style Dal fry but without ghee. It is pretty good. 

Life in Dec 15,2019 to Mar 29, 2020

A life diary after a long time. Right now, the whole country is in a 21 day lock down ending on 15th April. This is to flatten the curve for Cornoa Virus. For us, it has been two weeks of WFH. We are cooking all items. Today I made Dal Palak and Cabbage. Yesterday, Kanishka made khichdi and idli/dosas.  Maybe, the impact of lockdown and its impact will be covered in a different blogpost. This one is for the past.


Travel - 
- Went So Sikkim for a 10 day trip during Christmas break.  Detailed blog here

- BLR - Chennai - Mahabalipuram road trip. This was part of Divya's wedding in Chennai. Drove to Chennai from BLR. With a carrier on top to carry the chaukis. Wedding was good. From Chennai, we drive down to Mahabs. Did the historical sight seeing, went to beach. But it was too hot during day time. Good place in terms of monuments. Not so good in terms of food.


Mummy's 60th bday celebration

• Grand multi-day celebration. All pics are uploaded here - https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipNNXvJ4b26XspIoiokcmdEX5UMGgQyqMwAdv817VON3SANymvK3kGcwT4FvE55ggg?key=dEVtUEZRZDU0OE8tNUdQd2k4aVZZTHltbmdjYnVR

• Organized two games - housie & Trivia game
• Trivia game - Modelled after two truths one lie. 20 Slides, each containing three statements, two are truth, one is a lie. Audience have to guess what is what. Slides are here - https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/114vymU7ov-jNrVzax-Jy3yNULF7WN9vhdCnhuedPxo8/edit#slide=id.g6dc86997d4_0_527
• Housie with photos - Each number is copied on a photo. Audience has to guess the location in the photo before the number is revealed.

Other parties - 

• Kanishka's parents 42nd anniversary celebration at Broadway
• Arvind & Kanishka anniversary party at Bier Library
• A chance dinner at Windmill caraftworks's South Indian restaurant. (Original plan was for a movie but we got so much traffic that instead we just went and had dinner)
• Parul's birthday treat at Once upon a flame
• Went to VV Puram food street with Babu.

Books - 

Last quarter was Haruki Murakami streak for me. Finished two books - 

Kafka on the shore - 4/5 Very nice read. Almost like a road/travel movie.  Magical realism blends very nicely with the real events. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

1Q84 - Very long but an easy read. Some times it is rambling but very well etched out characters. 

Movies/TV Series 

Hunter x Hunter -

4/5

Finished its 5 seasons. Real good arc development, anime quality is top level.  Finds it okay to drop main characters across seasons. Introduces many characters but is able to do justice to many of them. 

Knives Out

4/5

Lots of twists and great plot. Daniel Craig is outstanding. 

Little Women

3.5/5

Hard to do but comparisons to novel comes and novel is more touching than the movie.

Parasite 

4.5/5

Very nicely made, very stylish. Great story and depiction of class disparity is done in a very nice manner. 

Misc - 

- Made Papdi chaat and Gol gappe at home. Shared with friends and also took the materials to Chennai for everyone. It was good to make them after such a long time.

- Kanishka and me got dozen indoor plants. Few of them survived. Good experiment going on.

- Lots of trips to Pashmina to get the house ready.

- Our fishes in aquarium has given birth to other fishes. Aquarium is going good so far. 

2020 - A year of movies

Even though, I am nearing a saturation point, need something to truly be creative for me to root for it, the craze is not going down. And my `talab` is taking me to films that I wanted to see for a long time but never got around to them.  In this process, it has been a remarkable year so far. I have not seen most of the oscar winners, yet I am still very content.  I give kudos to my selecting abilities.
Also, among other things, even in theatre halls, I am now more keen to view drama/story oriented films instead of Avengers.


The Piano by Jane Campion
4.5/5
BBC did a poll of 100 best films by women directors, they invited 300+ critics to make a list and The Piano topped it. I was not aware that it was made by a woman director. I wanted to see The Piano because of Michael Nyman. Its been a long time coming.

The Piano is a story of a single mother who is a mute by choice, piano player, sold to a New Zealander for marriage. She and her daughter land in NZ with their piano which can not be transported back to their home as it is too bulky. Later, her husband strikes a deal with one of the Maori worker George Baines, played by Harvey Kietel,  to have the piano and his wife goes to Baines to take lessons. What follows is a love triangle but in the most un-cliched ways. Everyone has their motivations and none are white. The daughter's acting varies from high maturity to innocence. Both Holly Hunter (mother) and Anna Paquin (daughter) won Oscars and so did the best picture.

It is not easy to understand the behavior of each on. Jane makes no effort to describe it anyway. You have to step in the shoes of each character, bear in mind what you have seen so far and then you could see how their reaction is indeed plausible. It is definitely a very layered movie.
Nyman's music is the soul, the 'aatman' and it is pure. There is no Piano without Nyman. period.



Two popes by Fernando Merilles
4.5/5
This came via a recommendation by Parul. I had always enjoyed movies/plays in which two actors just talk and that is the story.  Two Popes is inspired by true events, it is dramatization of a period of transition between Pope Benedict (by Anthony Hopkins) to Pope Frances/Cardinal Bergoglio (played by Jonathan Pryce).
The dialogues are paced very well. For those who know the real facts, this transition phase takes a long time to come and rewards the patience. The background of Cardinal Bergoglio is a revelation and it has been handled very well. No movie has been bad after choosing Abba or the Queen in its title sequence.
But above all, it is Jonathan Pryce that I loved the most. He is caring, energetic and human. I think his would be my best Pope so far.



Mard ko Dard nahin hota by Vasan Bala
4/5
This alternative cinema from India is pure gold. Surya has a rare disease - congenital insensitivity to pain. This and a whole lot of Hong Kong crime movies, Shaolin soccer high, you get a goofy, absurdist movie that is a pure gem. Where the villains are most psychotic and action scenes out of the world. Full marks for giving meaty role to women, perhaps little too much in a couple of occasions, this one is for all those Jaane bhi do yaaron fans who love action movies aka me.



Pain and Glory by Pedro Almopdovar
4/5
There are few directors who create cinema with so much life thrown into it that each film is a celebration. Alfanso Curan, Walter Salles and Pedro Almdovar are few of them.
It is in fact Pain and Glory that has started my movie reflection period of this year. I am missing Pedro Almodovar's earlier films. Pain and Glory has brilliant performances by Penelope Cruz (I am craving for her other movies too) and a too good Antonio Banderas.  The story is of a famous director now old and  suffering with lots of pain medicines and trying to make sense of his life now.  Told with lots of flashbacks, some say it is auto-biographical. It is pure cinema


Gully Boy by Zoya Akhtar
3/5
The best thing going for Gully Boy is the character of Alia Bhatt. She has no two qualms on being possessive, lying, or blackmailing others. In a scene, when our hero asks her to swear on his life that she won't be physically aggressive in future, she responds - "tu mar jayega".  Rap songs are decent, Dharavi setting is good.  Amruta Subhash is a scene stealer - no one can share screen space with her, she takes up everything, not even Vijay Raaz. From schwaas, to Killa, to Sacred Games and now this - her anthology is a solid one. She deservedly is the best of the lot. The weakest link is Ranveer himself. Even though he has mellowed down so much for this role, still he does not look like a guy from Dharavi.  Kalki needs to stop doing this sidey love interest roles, I think she has done way too many of them. 
But kudos to Zoya for making a main stream movie about rap music.  My other best point about the movie was the bridge - the meeting point of Ranveer and Alia which is on top of a sewer. Zoya, except for a panoramic shot does not dwell on it but once you have seen it, you can not un-see it.



Marriage Story by Noah Baumbach
5/5
Adam Driver, Scarlett Johannson, Laura Dern, Alan Alda - it is a dream cast. Adam Driver can portray any role - From Blackkansman, The Report, Star Wars and now this, Adam fits in so well in each one that he can do anything.
Noah tells a marriage story through a story about divorce. The film opens with both husband and wife narrating good things about each other as they are trying out counseling. The writing is warm, soft and so fresh.  There is a scene where Adam gives feedback to Scarlett on her recent performance, says - "thanks for indulging me" and she goes to her room and then cries. She is trying to be strong in front of him and the kid but internally, it is all in turmoil. Scarlett moves to LA and then files for divorce in LA claiming that they are an LA family while Adam is still living in his reality that she would move back to NY. 
It is a story on non-communication between couples, it is a story of honest communication with each other, it is a story of pain, misunderstandings, no-one being right, and people being people with their failings. My other favorite scene comes in the end when Laura Dern claims that as part of divorce deal, Scarlett will get 55% of time over her kid and Adam will get 45%. She being very happy in getting an upper hand while Scarlett is shocked that it was always meant to be 50-50. In a flash, Scarlett's expression says that she is not aware what else has Laura said to Adam on her behalf.
Laura Dern is sassy and too good.  Alan Alda, is the goody-good person from our West Wing and he is perfect for this role.



The Irishman by Martin Scorsese
3/5
I have a confession about Martin Scorsese. I have seen his Goodfellas, Silence, Wolf of Wall Street, Departed and Shutter island. Will not count Hugo in this list, as it is an exception. Each of his films are stories where too many things happen and Martin does a great job in covering the breadth. But I find it difficult to identify with his films, nor do I find his brand of humor very funny.
From a screenwriting and direction point of view, the fact that he can pack so much in a film is his ingenuity but I do not relish.  His use of music is also very creative and there I think I find a good overlap with his taste.
The only exception is Goodfellas which I thought to be very creative as I was watching a genre for the first time. Silence has a whole different feel to it and I may revisit it again. I found Wolf of Wall street to be okay-ish.  The same feeling goes to The Irishman.
Well, outside of The Irishman, the reason to watch this film was Joe Pesci. The use of de-aging technology is very shoddy, I found that the gait of Robert De Niro gives it away in any scene. The story, well it is there and it is okay.  It is a very well made film and hence watchable.



Bombshell by Jay Roach
3/5
The unraveling of the Fox CEO - Roger Ailes, his sexual harassment of Fox's prominent anchors  and god know how many other women, is the story of Bombshell. It is a story of courage, of our present #metoo age. Plus, it has wonderful actors - Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman and Margot Robbie.  However, would have liked if the movie went deeper, also explored harassment by other people at Fox as well.

Sikkim Report - 2019

To write a blog on the first day of a new year, there is some joy to it. 2019 will known as my year of window to North East. Three nights in Kolkatta-Sunderbans in Jan, one week during the Sandakphu trek, three nights again at Darjeeling-TinChulhey and finally a nine day trip to Sikkim.  It seems too much in hindsight but each trip was remarkably different than the other one.

For Sikkim,  planning started three months ago, in early Oct. We knew it had to be North Sikkim but exact locations were not clear. But, as in darjeeling, the transport charges are not based on a per day basis but based on sightseeing points. A Nathula pass trip from Gangtok is 4K, basically every point comes with a charge and you have to think is the point justified for that cost. We reached out again to Mr. Rabi from Trans-Himalayan tours to plan this. Lachen, Lachung are famous tourist places in order to go to Gurudongmar lake and Zero point respectively. Dzongu became a surprise en-route stop location but it is a great place.

The idea to choose Sikkim was to see snow - maybe even witness snowfall. It had snowed there last year, I got to know because roads were blocked and few tourists stranded. Three months before the trip, during planning, I had no idea how this will all unfold. In general, my idea was to go and see it.  Basic outline was this -
Bhagdogra - Gangtok - Lachung - Yumthang - Lachung - Lachen - Thongu - Dzongu - Gangtok - Bhagdogra.

Day 1 -
Our flight from Bangalore was there at 6:30 am. A 2hr 45 mins flight eventually took 4 hrs as the visibility at Bagdogra airport was very low. From airport to Gangtok,  our journey was okay-ish. There is a spot to do Kayaking but we skipped it. Our first night halt was at Hidden Forest - a homestay kind of hotel. They had a very nice library downstairs with good seating. Our dinner included a delicious preparation of Brocolli and onions, along with Matar paneer. A good meal before we were on the road. Hidden Forest has a great collection of orchids and plants all around. The service was okay-ish but stay was peaceful.

Day 2 -
We decided to start the day with a long walk to Ban Jhakri waterfalls. While Mr. Rabi went and got us permit to visit Lachen/Lachung/Dzongu, Ban Jhakri waterfalls was 4km from our stay, a leisurely downhill walk which was made even easier by various shortcut staircases. The waterfalls is within a decently well maintained park which was also almost empty this early in the morning. On the way we stopped at the Gangtok hospital to use its very dirty restrooms, a not so good state to be in for a hospital.

 Our breakfast included Poha and omlette.  The journey from Gangtok to Lachung had many stops in between. Our first stop was at this historic place where a treaty was signed in past between rival tribes to make peace. Before the treaty was signed, the leaders of tribe dipped their feet in animal blood - a tidbit which I found incredibly fascinating. Next stop was at seven sister waterfalls. we climbed some 100+ stairs to get a better view, saw 4 jumps of the fall.

We then stopped at the Phodong monastery. Preparations were on for their annual festival welcoming the new year and other celebrations. They were hoisting a new prayer flag on top of a 20 feet pole. Monastery was all decorated inside, monks were chatting outside. It was getting cooler as we were gaining altitude. We crossed Chunghang, saw the dam  but continued driving. The Teesta river never left our side till we reached Lachung. We stopped briefly at Amitabh Bachhan waterfalls, renamed from Bhewma falls, perhaps because of its height.

Lachung was getting dark by the time we reached there. Its dark by 5:10 pm. We were given a traditional welcome at Norling Zhimkaung hotel. The room had this luxury of having electrically heated blanket bed, a perk which was really useful. On top of this, we even had a heater in our room. We used it sparingly for the fist night.

Day 3 -
Our plan was to stay at Yumthang today, but local knowledge told that it won't be possible. It had snowed on Dec 13-14, even though we were 10 days late, it was still snowy up there. We could see snow covered peaks from Lachung all around us. So, we decided to cut our Yumthang stay and made Norling a 2-night stay. Our morning was again a long walk to Lachung monastery, this one took about 90 mins or so,  with a fair bit of uphill climb and included crossing a bridge which had big holes on the floor.  Lachung monastery was good, again preparations were on for the festival.

We had our breakfast at Katao road house - poha and omlettes again. By the time we got to the checkpoint, it was 10:30 am and the checkpost guy attempted to deny entry to us for apparatenly no reason. He was using local language and perhaps wanted some money for us to be let in. We had the manager of Zhimkang as our guide for the day and he convinced him to give us permit.

Our first point was entry to the Shingba Rhodendron sanctuary. By this time, we were in the middle of snow. A short walk took us deeper into snow. We made our first snowman and played a lot in the snow. We then drove up to Yumthang valley, a beautiful drive, all white around us. Yumthang valley was pretty desolate, like Fargo :) We were almost all alone, soon joined by couple of more cars. Folks from Yumthang had left the place to a warmer one, in this case Lachung.

From Yumthang, our guide to this hidden gem of a place called Domang. We did an hour long walk in this lush yellowish grass forest area, all to us as not many folks know about this. We were under dense trees with snow on them. It was afternoon and it was LOTR like magical land. Very beautiful, pristine and peaceful place. We could have walked more but it was getting dark and we were getting hungry.

Once back, we had our fill of Thukpa and local soup. After resting, I started on my book - Kafka on the shore by Haruki Murakami. In evening, I ordered Chilli panner. Kanishka and I went for some local warm clothes shopping.  We slept early to wake up early

Day 4 -
Our plan was to drive straight to Thangu from Lachung. The road goes back to Chungthang where it take another arm of a Y to go to Lachen en route to Thongu via an army area. An officer scratched our permit for Gurudongmar lake. At Lachen, we got the permit to go to Thangu. Lahen is at 9000 feet and it already had traces of snow. Thangu is at 13000 feet, 1.5 hrs from Lachen and the entire road had snow to its left and right.

As we got closer to Thangu, the snow depth had increased. Other houses seemed deserted, later we learnt that people had gone down. Our homestay had an entrance with 6-8 inches of snow. Thangu was at -1 during day which will later drop to -11 at night. Our homestay did not had any electricity but a generator that will later run from 5 pm to 9 pm. It was very cold as we entered our room. We were the only ones there. We quickly had egg maggi and realized that we were in for a very cold night. The bedroom had a bucket of frozen ice. No water on tap as it was all frozen over. Our room had a wooden heater,  called Bukhari locally,  to provide heat during the night.

Post lunch, we went up for a walk to Alexandra caves. The trail was covered in snow, atleast 6 inch. We walked up for about 40 mins and then came down. The walk gave us warmth. We spent the entire evening spent in the common dining hall sitting next to a bukhari.  Our dinner had ishkush (chow chow) along with spinach and some alu-egg curry.

 After dinner, we had them start on bukhari with wood. We setup alarms after every hr so that we can wake up and add more wood to it. I slept in the exact same clothes as I came. We had three layers of blankets on top of us, one blanket under us. Somehow, we got through the night.

Day 5 -
With the night over, we wanted to just get out of there. We were in for more surprises. We were ready by 7 to get to Gurudongmar lake at 8. We had got special permission with a person from police to accompany us for the trip ahead; he said that he will check with the road condition as well.

By the time it was 8, Mr. Rabi could not start the car as it was pretty cold. He took it down a ramp but that did not help either. We took hot water in thermos and poured it over the filter pipe but that did not budge. We further pushed the car on a down ramp, it started for 2 seconds only to power off again. We were out of luck and ideas. Our next bet was for the Sun to melt the frozen diesel. Luckily, the inn owner was able to arrange a separate transport to see the Gurudongmar lake.

The other vehicle was a Gypsy and there is no road to Gurudongmar lake. It was a very bumpy ride and sitting on the back seat, it was just very bad. At 15,000 feet there was a nice cafe, run by servicemen, serving bonde and jalebis. I had more than I should have, coupled with very cold weather and a bumpy ride made me pukish. At the top of the lake, it was very beautiful but very windy, cold and windy. We stayed for 5 mins before happily getting back in the car. On the way back, we stopped at Chopta valley which was also very beautiful but by this time, I was severely pukish.

Back at the inn, our car had not recovered. I took some avomin and asked the inn owner to arrange for another car, not a Gypsy, to take us back to Lachen.  Back at Lachen, we found our airbnb. I slept after taking Crocin, woke up for dinner and slept again.

Day 6 & 7 -
This was Christmas. I woke up after a 10 hr sleep very fresh. Sun was up  too. We got a good surprising by hearing that Mr. Rabi has also come down to Lachen with our car. Our car can start but only after pushing it. Once started, he will drop us to Dzongu and then drive down to Siliguri. This was a relief as there was no network in Lachen and we were not sure how to proceed.

Post breakfast, which included ladies finger, we walked up to Lachen monastery. It was closed. We walked back and hooped in our car and drove to Dzongu. We stopped at Chungtang dam and then at Mangan for lunch. At Dzongu, mr. Rabi left us. We extended our stay at the Mallaylang homestay to two nights (to make up for the missed Yumthang stay).

At Dzongu, we walked down to the Teesta river. We were reprieved to get away from the cold weather. It was cold at Dzongu but similar to BLR cold. During evening, we sat next to woodfire drinking Chi. Later, we attended Gyatso's presentation on his challenged to save the indigenous lifestyle of Dzongu. He is an activist and has a major contribution in stopping unnecessary dams in the region. He is also very well respected in the community. Homestay is very good.

Next day, we went up to a nearby monastery and then took a guide, Suresh, to give us a local tour of the Lingdem village. We went to Lingdem monastery as well and there a local family was sponsoring a prayer. We got treated to tea and shell roti. VIllage walk was very refreshing. We met a school team celebrating the last day of school before winter break and they offered us rasgullas. We came back for a hot lunch to head to a nice hot spring bath.

The path to this hot spring was very sandy and our car could not climb it up. We came back and our guide got us another ride. The hot spring was really relaxing. Nicely maintained as well, much better than the other hot spring that I had seen at Gaya, still no where close to NZ/US levels.


Day 8 -

We drove down to Gangtok from Dzongu. We bought local pickles, Khabje, shell roti from the homestay. Along the way, we stopped at Dikchu dam and a waterfall. At gangtok, we stayed at Bookmans, a book store with homestay. Gangtok was getting colder. We had a quick lunch at Bookmans and then decided to local sightseeing.

Bookman is very well situated with good many things at walking distance. Gangtok also has very good footpath. We started at the local handloom shop, similar to a govt. emporium.  Post that, we walked up to the flower show near the white hall. Flower show is a downer but Kanishka was able to buy Orchid and Lilly bulbs.

We walked to MG road, it started to rain making it very cold. We walked all levels of Lal bazaar which is a downtown wholesale market. We packed rolls from the Roll house for dinner. Bookman's also has electric blanket, a perk that is very deeply appreciated.

Day 9 -
Day 9 was a Saturday and our plan was to start with Rumtek monastery. Rumtek is one of the oldest monasteries in Asia. It was an hr drive. It is a decent one. Our next stop was the Tibetology museum but it was closed as it was Saturday. Recently, the govt made even the Saturday as a holiday and hence all govt. places were closed today.

We then went back to MG road, had good Nepalese lunch at Humro Bhansa ghar near MG road. Post that, I read my awesome book at Bakers while Kasnishka did some more shopping. Bakers is a good cafe with decent coffee.

At night, we went up to the Deltin casino and gambled away 11K throughout the night. It was full but not excessively crowded. We were able to get drinks and snacks at the table unlike the Goa one. It was a good experience to end the trip.

Day 10 was just drive and back to Bangalore.

Life in Oct 9 - Dec 14, 2019

Holiday season is soon going to be upon us. Our travel plans to Sikkim are almost final. Travel is in the air. December is also the time for Ruhaniyat which is where we are going to go tonight.  Last couple of months have gone up very soon.


Travel -

- Bangalore - Pune - Matheran - Bangalore - Kochi - Bangalore in 100 hrs.  That is a hell of traveling. Matheran is a good place with its best part being that there is no vehicular movement allowed there. Our stay place, Radha Cottage, was 4 kms from the entrance. That meant walking to get there and back too. There were porters available to haul our luggage.  On Day 1, we must have walked 15-16 kms covering all the points.
Day 2 started with us going to Sunrise point to watch an okay-ish sunrise, but followed by other couple of view points. Matheran definitely has a lot of view points to offer, with a bunch of good trails to see them from.
At Kochi, it was sightseeing day - Portugese museum, Dutch palace, BTH meals, Synagogue and lastly at Bamboo exhibition.


- Auroville long weekend trip  - http://arvindbatra.blogspot.com/2019/11/auroville-trip-2019.html

- A Delhi travel because of this.


Books -

Good Omens - So so awesome - http://arvindbatra.blogspot.com/2019/11/good-omens-book-and-tv-series-review.html


Movies/TV Series - 

- Good Omens - So so awesome :) http://arvindbatra.blogspot.com/2019/11/good-omens-book-and-tv-series-review.html

- Mafia series. Kanishka and myself in preparation for Irishman are now on a series of Mafia series.

- Once upon a time in America
- Goodfellas
- Godfather part 1

All three are classics. Next up in the list is Godfather part 2 and then the Irishman.


Jack Ryan Season 2 - 1.5/5
Quite bad. Too blandish.

Peaky Blinders - Season 1 - 4:  4/5
Very stylish, great acting by Cillian Murphy. 


Weathering with you - 3.5/5
Good creative anime.


The Report -  3/5
Becoming a fan of Adam driver.

Terminator 3 - Rise of the machines - 2.5/5


War - 2/5
Very Very bad 2nd half.

To all the Boys I have loved before - 4/5
Great Rom-com.