By Stuart Diamond
Getting more is a book on the art of negotiation. The book begins by giving a framework behind a successful negotiation. What are the ingredients that go into a negotiation. What are the factors that should be kept in mind while negotiating. How to overcome tough situations.
The book is riddled with examples that go alongside with the framework. The latter part of the book are case studies in different areas - relationships, job, travel, markets, parenting etc. Each category covers various stories on how people used principles from the framework to get what they wanted. In some cases, it is all good and decent. In others, it does come across little bit manipulative.
The book is self-aware and self-congratulating. It refers to itself "Getting More" multiple times highlighting how effective this is. This can be off-putting for readers who would like to read without a deluge of adjectives of effusive praise.
In this post, I have summarised the framework. For detailed analysis and applications, one should definitely read the book.
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Different Ways of Negotiating -
- Forcing people to do what you will them to do (physical violence)
- Getting people to think what you want them to think (rationalizations)
- Getting people to perceive what you want them to perceive (towards a common goal)
- Getting people to feel what you want them to feel. (includes irrationality as well)
Steps of a Negotiation -
- What are my Goals?
- Who are "they" ?
- What will it take to persuade them?
The above is like the first principle approach of a negotiation. Whenever stuck, one should ask these questions and work on the responses.
Goal setting is very important. Goals should not be too vague or too specific. The book describes Goal to be the end state. Everything that is done, is done in the service of the goal. Hence, goal setting should be very precise; should capture what is truly desired. Not any intermediate state but the final state.
An interesting corollary is how Stuart defines competitiveness.
Competitiveness is one's ability to meet the goals.-----
People
Once goals are defined, the next question relates to people. People are almost everything in this. What is the other person feeling? What is the picture in their heads? How are they perceiving the situation?
Stuart claims following to be ingredients of a negotiation -
- People - 55%
- Process - 37%
- Substance - 8%
By valuing, you are acknowledging their power. In this particular context, they have an upper hand as they have the decision making ability. This has to be duly recognized and acknowledged.
A big component of any people related discussion is Trust
Stuart writes that one should "Do what it takes to establish trust". May be it could be give them more than they expect. You have to convince them that you are willing to work with them. Trust should not be part of just straight talk, but should be encoded in the deal itself. As part of the negotiation, you should articulate on where you are placing your trust on them. They should be made aware of the criticality of this. Also, articulate what you are agreeing to as part of earning their trust.
In certain cases, the trust can not be encoded in the negotiation itself. In those scenarios, an alternative has to be created. For example, how banks take collateral or how apartment owners take security deposit. Those are mechanical structures created outside of the direct deal structure to bring in trust between the two parties.
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Communication
The mechanism of delivery is extremely critical in a negotiation. Stuart claims that -
Biggest cause of negotiation failure -> Miscommunication
Biggest cause of Communication failure -> Misperception
Perception is everything. It is the core of #4 way above- feeling based negotiation. Perception encompasses all the irrationalities and emotions into it.
To convince people of different perceptions, you should start with perceptions, not facts. When you read it, it sounds intuitive but in practice we do the exact opposite of it. We always start with facts. Facts can be interpreted in more than one ways. It is their interpretation matters.
In such scenarios, Stuart gives the following framework
Asking and listening go a long way in understanding the other side. Stuart further breaks it down in finer details -
Using Standards
Where are negotiations needed?
When there are certain expectations and those expectations are not met.
What leads us to have those expectations?
Standards.
You go to a hotel, check in and find that the Air conditioner is not working. Or the restaurant has served you a dish that is cold or unpalatable. You have a certain expectation on how your work will be rewarded. Organizations create those career ladders to set standards. There are standards everywhere around us. Our constitution is a document on standards on how we would like to live with each other.
Stuart has a very interesting insight that is biggest leverage in a negotiation - People hate to contradict themselves . It is a psychological trait of humanity.
When we define a standard, we like to stick to it. When we write that breakfast will be complimentary or wifi will be provided, we want to honor it.
Using Standards is the basics of negotiation. The expectation gap is best served by negotiating on the standards.
The other corollary to Using Standards is Being Incremental. First, align "them" on the standards. Ask questions in order to establish the standard. Each question should be crafted that it covers all aspects of Standard that is in question. Once, the standard is established, it is now time to ask about the instance when it is being violated. Since, people do not like to normally violate the standard that they have agreed to, it becomes easier for them to agree on.
Sometimes, the standards are not very clear. In such cases, ask. Be precise in your questions.
Two things needs to be kept in mind during this exercise -
To work with emotions, the following things should be kept in mind -
- Find the cause of emotions, perceptions and what are their goals.
- Be ready to apologize, empathize, or acknowledge.
- Trust. Establishing trust is very important.
- Apply Standards. But not before the above three are addressed.
- Correct facts if mistaken or misunderstood.
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Miscellaneous but important
- Identify the decision maker - If you are applying all the above to a person who is not in a position to take the decision call, it will not work.
- Small talk is important - Small talk in the beginning of a conversation helps in knowing the other person. It establishes a connection that can be used later on. Identifying common enemies are great topics of small talk, example - weather, traffic, bad performance from a common sports team etc.
- Worst case scenario - Sometimes, it helps to share the fallout of this negotiation. If it fails, then this could be the worst case scenario. No wants if this happens. It propels people to make concessions.
- Naming Bad behavior - If there is a bad behavior, it has to be called out. Example - visible display of gender bias or verbal abuses.
Communication
The mechanism of delivery is extremely critical in a negotiation. Stuart claims that -
Biggest cause of negotiation failure -> Miscommunication
Biggest cause of Communication failure -> Misperception
Perception is everything. It is the core of #4 way above- feeling based negotiation. Perception encompasses all the irrationalities and emotions into it.
To convince people of different perceptions, you should start with perceptions, not facts. When you read it, it sounds intuitive but in practice we do the exact opposite of it. We always start with facts. Facts can be interpreted in more than one ways. It is their interpretation matters.
In such scenarios, Stuart gives the following framework
- What am I perceiving?
- What are they perceiving?
- Is there a mismatch?
- If so, why?
Asking and listening go a long way in understanding the other side. Stuart further breaks it down in finer details -
Here are the basic components of effective communication: (1) always communicate, (2) listen and ask questions, (3) value, don’t blame them, (4) summarize often, (5) do role reversal, (6) be dispassionate, (7) articulate goals, (8) be firm without damaging the relationship, (9) look for small signals, (10) discuss perceptual differences, (11) find out how they make commitments, (12) consult before deciding, (13) focus on what you can control, and (14) avoid debating who is right.------
Using Standards
Where are negotiations needed?
When there are certain expectations and those expectations are not met.
What leads us to have those expectations?
Standards.
You go to a hotel, check in and find that the Air conditioner is not working. Or the restaurant has served you a dish that is cold or unpalatable. You have a certain expectation on how your work will be rewarded. Organizations create those career ladders to set standards. There are standards everywhere around us. Our constitution is a document on standards on how we would like to live with each other.
Stuart has a very interesting insight that is biggest leverage in a negotiation - People hate to contradict themselves . It is a psychological trait of humanity.
When we define a standard, we like to stick to it. When we write that breakfast will be complimentary or wifi will be provided, we want to honor it.
Using Standards is the basics of negotiation. The expectation gap is best served by negotiating on the standards.
The other corollary to Using Standards is Being Incremental. First, align "them" on the standards. Ask questions in order to establish the standard. Each question should be crafted that it covers all aspects of Standard that is in question. Once, the standard is established, it is now time to ask about the instance when it is being violated. Since, people do not like to normally violate the standard that they have agreed to, it becomes easier for them to agree on.
Sometimes, the standards are not very clear. In such cases, ask. Be precise in your questions.
Two things needs to be kept in mind during this exercise -
- It is not about winning or loosing. You may not get what you wanted. Your line of being incremental may go on a different tangent. Or standards may not be what you expect. In such cases, focus on the goals. Go back to basics. Start again. There could be other standards as well, other approaches. Let not the past dictate the future. It is ok to admit the failure but it is not ok to give up.
- What also matters is your competitive attitude. Remember, the definition of competitiveness previously - ability to meet your goals. Attitude matters a lot in a negotiation.
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Emotions
When dealing with people, one has to deal with emotions. Stuart has two comments in his book that I would like to share -
Emotion is the enemy of effective negotiations and of effective negotiators.
Emotion destroys negotiations and limits creativity. Focus is lost. Decision-making is poor. Retaliation often occurs.
To work with emotions, the following things should be kept in mind -
- Find the cause of emotions, perceptions and what are their goals.
- Be ready to apologize, empathize, or acknowledge.
- Trust. Establishing trust is very important.
- Apply Standards. But not before the above three are addressed.
- Correct facts if mistaken or misunderstood.
-------
Miscellaneous but important
- Identify the decision maker - If you are applying all the above to a person who is not in a position to take the decision call, it will not work.
- Small talk is important - Small talk in the beginning of a conversation helps in knowing the other person. It establishes a connection that can be used later on. Identifying common enemies are great topics of small talk, example - weather, traffic, bad performance from a common sports team etc.
- Worst case scenario - Sometimes, it helps to share the fallout of this negotiation. If it fails, then this could be the worst case scenario. No wants if this happens. It propels people to make concessions.
- Naming Bad behavior - If there is a bad behavior, it has to be called out. Example - visible display of gender bias or verbal abuses.
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